Buongiorno!
Like with many of my soul food posts, the topics tend to center around themes that are coming up in my life and are on my mind lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about gossip lately— watching others do it, thinking of when I do it myself. Then I came across some really powerful information that pushed me to cut myself off from that altogether.
For most people, talking badly about others gives you that awful feeling in your stomach— an indication that it’s not something great for your mind or body. Yet so many people seem to just gossip continually- at work, in school, in your family.
I had a horrible high school experience due to gossip. At a certain point, I was hearing some negative comment that had been said about me on a daily basis. And then, getting sucked into the negative spiral, I joined in the gossiping too. It was stressful and uncomfortable and yet invited more of the same. Like I’ve referred to in other soul food posts, it’s easy to go down that black hole of negativity/insecurity/sadness, but once you are conscious of it, you can turn it around.
I’ve certainly gossiped in my lifetime, but I decided to cut it off completely not too long ago. I don’t want to partake in putting out anything negative into the universe, and if I am gossiping, it’s just a reflection of myself so I’d rather look inward and figure it out, than project some issue of mine outward.
The word is a force
I recently came across this life changing book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I will do a full post in the near future about this book, since it is just so beautiful, I want to do it justice. But one of the agreements that Ruiz suggests we should live by is “be impeccable with your word.” He says it is the most important and the most difficult of all the agreements. Ruiz points out that your word “is the power that you have to create…The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life. You can speak. What other animal on the planet can speak?”
That last point is so obvious but resonated so much with me that I’m still chewing on it weeks later. We are the only creatures on this earth that can speak, and yet we throw words around without thinking, we say things with negative intent, and we don’t bother trying to harness all the beautiful power there is in our word. I read that alone and thought “never again.”
What others think of you is none of your business
Now, if you do decide to end your own gossiping, there is still the “problem” of others gossiping about you. When you think of all the reasons why someone might gossip about you- they are depressed, insecure, bored, jealous, angry- all of these things have absolutely nothing to do with you. So why even let those comments touch you? Easier said than done, but shifting your mind to think in this way will help you to let that kind of negativity float right by you.
My mom always said to me “What others think of you is none of your business” and that is something I remind myself of as well when I hear negative criticism. Everything that you do is a reflection of you, just like everything I do is a reflection of me.
Does anyone else have thoughts about this? I feel like this topic might be coming up for others too, as it’s definitely a biggie. Let me know!
Alla prossima,
Amanda xo
Well done! I hate gossip—I always have.
Author
Thank you! Totally agree 🙂
Brilliant. I love this. Sharing! Everyone should read this! <3
Author
Aw thank you so much, so happy to hear that! 🙂
” I don’t want to partake in putting out anything negative into the universe, and if I am gossiping, it’s just a reflection of myself so I’d rather look inward and figure it out, than project some issue of mine outward” — I love love love this quote. I totally agree and that’s how I want to live my life too 🙂
Author
:)! Thank you so much! You should definitely give that book a read, it’s a life changer.
I had this discussion with one of my colleagues lately! I understand that not everyone is satisfied with others, with their jobs etc. but then again, I think we all are capable to “vent” with respect. It’s so true that people don’t really think through what they say. Gossip perpetuates negativity and ruins lives. It’s sad that not a lot of people realise the impact it has on others…
Author
I totally agree. There’s venting and there’s gossiping. But at least we can control our own involvement in it or not. 🙂
Beautifully written with a remarkable objective point of view.
Author
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! 🙂
So true. What we put into the world comes back at us, so it’s important we be true and bring in that positive vibes.
Author
Couldn’t agree more! 🙂
Great post! I love the book The Four Agreements, I keep a copy of it by my bed so that it is within reach at all times and I am frequently referring to it.
Author
Thank you! I agree, it’s really a life-changer. You can read it so many times and always get something out of it. 🙂
Love it! Your mom is so right, what others think is non of my business!
Author
Thank you! That’s what I always tell myself if/whenever I get worked up. 🙂
Stop the gossip/judgements is always on the top of my resolution list each new year. The reason it reappears every year is because I haven’t perfected the “no gossiping goal” . I have to admit though that I do less of it. Words are very powerful and so are thoughts. When I’m being mindful/aware and I find myself judging someone verbally or in thought, I immediately replace the judgement with thoughts of love. It really works.
Author
It definitely takes a long time to change that habit.. and I am working through it too. But then I always go back to what type of energy I’m giving out if I engage in it. And I want to only be on the positive side of things 🙂 That’s an amazing trick you do, replacing the judgement with thoughts of love <3
First, I just want to say I love the content and topics of your blog!
I went to an all-girls high school, which was good for the most part, but there were times when gossiping was an issue. College was completely different. That wasn’t something I had to face. However, I had a part time job with older women, and they all gossiped about one another. I guess some people don’t grow out of it. Maybe gossip doesn’t have an age limit? I never felt inclined to partake in that. I try to surround myself with positive vibes. It leads to a happier and mentally healthier life <3
Author
I had the same experience with high school vs. college actually. But yes, I would definitely say there is no age restriction, unfortunately. I totally agree with just being positive and not even touching that. Luckily that’s in our power to choose. 🙂
Ah, gossip. Such an important topic, Amanda. Thank you for sharing your mother’s wise and helpful advice..
Author
Thank you, I’m glad you got something out of it 🙂
Gossip, oh god it is everywhere from personal life to work life. It is so annoying to deal with 🙁 But great post <3
Author
So true, unfortunately. Luckily we can control our own involvement 🙂 Thank you!
That is true <3
Author
:)!
Love this quote from your mom, “What others think of you is none of your business”.
Author
Thank you, me too! So simple and so true! 🙂
Love your Mom’s quote, too! Another great blog post!
Author
Aw thank you so much, so sweet! 🙂